I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
