He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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