she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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