Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
