so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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