I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
