Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
