and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dicks are not precious.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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