I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
