I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
