The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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