First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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