mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
