If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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