Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
