His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
