my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
