and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
