I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I can't put those talents on a resume
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
