1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize
