Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
