Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
