It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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