I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
