the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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