I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I faked an abortion last night.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
