Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
