i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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