This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
