PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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