The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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