I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The air was thick with penises
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
