ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
