Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
