Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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