I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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