Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
