If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
