You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
