What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
