i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
