What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
