I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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