I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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