At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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