I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
