When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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