So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
