The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
