im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
